Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Talking About Love and Prayer

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor


1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

You know that feeling you get when you’re saying goodbye to a son or daughter on the way out the door to a big trip or major event? Or maybe you’re the one headed somewhere for a few days.

Suddenly, you fall into a rush of last-minute instructions and helpful direction. Sometimes, your most important guidance comes out in those “signing off” moments.

This week, we’re pulling our talking points from some of Paul’s last-minute instructions to his friends in the town of Colosse. He’s writing to them from prison—where he’s locked up for preaching about Jesus—and he’s wrapping up his short-but-urgent letter.

What he says to the Colossians are instructions very similar to what we hope our kids will follow as they continue their walk with Jesus further and further from us toward adulthood and independence.

Take a minute to read Colossians 4:2-6 to prepare your heart and mind to discuss some of the following questions during any available teachable moments that spring up this week.

Talking Points:
What does it mean to you to be completely committed to something?
What are some of the things in your life you’d say you're 100 percent devoted to?
Which of those things would you say is the most valuable to you?
How big of a deal is prayer in your life?
Is it just a chore you know you should do—or an essential part of your day that you can’t imagine living without?
When does prayer feel the most valuable or “essential” to you?
What are 10 things you’d say you’re thankful for today?
What are 3 things we could maybe ask for God’s help with today?
Have you ever thought about praying that more and more people will trust in Jesus and become Christians?
Could we ask God for that in our town? In your school? In our church?
If you were going to regularly pray for 3-4 people in your life to become Christians, who would go on that list? Why do you think those people come to mind?
What would be some good things for us to pray for your youth leaders or for our pastor at church?
Do you have any Christian friends who act like different people when they’re with unbelievers than with other Christians? Is that a problem?
Should we talk and act “more Christian” or “less Christian” when we’re with unsaved people?
Do you ever think about the way our family makes God look to people who know we believe in Jesus? How could we do better at that?
Do you have any projects or jobs in your life that you think have been given to you by God? If so, what?
How would you define the word “grace”?

Featured Resource: Raising Sons and Loving It!

A book that helps parents understand the unique challenges and corresponding opportunities of parenting sons, you’ll find within its pages advice on everything from recognizing the dramatic differences between boys and girls to the specific ways parents can cultivate their son’s heart for God.
Save 30% off the retail price of “Raising Sons and Loving It!” when you use Coupon Code YPN293 and order by 3/4/09
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?cPath=2_46&products_id=1927

2. Learn Their Lingo
hello list = The list of people you have to or want to say “hello” to on a daily basis.
BFD = text message short code for “big freaking deal”

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
Confessions of a Shopaholic

“Confessions of a Shopaholic” may be an average romantic comedy brightened by the Lucille Ball stylings of Isla Fisher, but it is built around some… Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/confessions_of_a_shopaholic/
Coraline

“Coraline” is simply a feast of imagination for the eyes. Every character and setting and prop and color and texture pops out of the screen… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/coraline/

4. Links to Learn From
Bebo teen slang terms to appear in dictionary [Telegraph UK]http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4601440/Bebo-teen-slang-terms-to-appear-in-Collins-dictionary.html

Teens, Sex and Technology, What’s Really Going On [Opposingviews.com]http://www.opposingviews.com/articles/research-teens-sex-and-technology-what-s-really-going-on

Early College Admission and the Adolescent Brain [Inside Higher Ed]http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2009/02/12/early

Gambling in School? [Radio Iowa]
http://www.radioiowa.com/gestalt/go.cfm?objectid=70F2C363-5056-B82A-37EBB33B190F4305

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
Mothers are all slightly insane.- J.D. Salinger

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Listen Well

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========HOW TO VOLUNTEER LIKE A PRO
After more than twenty years as a paid youth worker, Jim Hancock left and became a volunteer in youth ministry. That experience taught him things he may never have learned as a youth ministry professional, and now he wants to empower others who are passionate about being volunteer youth workers.
Learn more about and purchase "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" here:
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=1845
*Save 30% off the retail price of "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" when you use Coupon Code YPN291 and order by 2/18/09.
================================


1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
PEOPLE LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO LISTEN


If paying attention to what kids talk about is the passive side of listening, what's the active side? Here's the script of a digital movie I wrote for DCLA and the Youth Specialties CORE tour. It's my best shot at putting words to the adolescent longing to be heard...

Listen-You wanna know how I'm doing?Don't ask.

Seriously. Don't ask if you're not ready to listen. Don't say, "How you doin'?" I'll just say, "Fine." It's the answer I'm trained to give-whether it's true or not. A shallow answer to a shallow question. Most people don't really wanna know; they assume I know they're just being polite. I don't think that's polite at all. Short questions get short answers.

You wanna know how I'm doing? Ask what I've been up to; what I'm working on; what's up with my family.
If you're asking me (and I sensed you were), most of the best question don't have question marks: "Tell me about your sister." "I'd like to hear about your job." "Tell me how you felt." "Tell me what you mean." "I'd like to know more about that."
You wanna know how I feel when you ask questions that way? I feel included. I feel cared for. I feel like I belong.

Please...if you already know the answer, it's not really a question, is it...it's a test. Please don't do that to me. (I hate tests.)
Don't make me look foolish. Don't trick me. Don't use me to make a point.
If you're serious, ask what I think, ask how I feel, ask an honest question, and wait for my honest answer.

Learn from silence. If I don't answer right away--if the silence goes on too long--ask what that means. Maybe I'm embarrassed. Maybe I didn't understand the question. (Maybe you weren't clear.) Maybe I'm thinking (and wouldn't that be nice). You wanna know how I'm doing?Sometimes I'm sad because life is confusing and painful, and we both know there's nothing you can do to fix that.It's okay. I'll be fine...truly.

That doesn't mean I don't want you to check. Give me a chance to tell you when I'm fine, and maybe I'll tell you when I'm not.

Don't take my first response at face value. Listen with your eyes: Do I look like I'm doing all right? Listen with your heart: Do you believe my answer?

With the very best motives--sometimes with the worst--I'm capable of every kind of deceit. Just like you. Don't ask me to do what you won't. If you wanna know my story, tell me yours. Let me know I'm safe--let me know you're not perfect either.
When I believe that, I'll talk your ear off.

**
Jim Hancock invested two decades as a church-based youth worker. Now he spends his days in Leucadia, California, writing and creating digital movies and learning designs like "Raising Adults," "The Justice Mission," and the "Good Sex" curriculum for youth workers, parents, and adolescents.
Learn more about and purchase "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" here:
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=1845
*Save 30% off the retail price of "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" when you use Coupon Code YPN291 and order by 2/18/09.
**


2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Health Spotlight on Teenage Drinking [NZ Herald]
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/health/news/article.cfm?c_id=204&objectid=10554682
Arrests of Teenage Girls and Women Reach Record Levels in UK [Guardian]http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jan/29/girls-arrests-crime
Teen Angst Takes Center Stage [Ohio.com]
http://www.ohio.com/entertainment/38585254.html
The Myth of Teenage Promiscuity [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?ref=science
Teaching Teenagers About Harassment [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/business/media/27adco.html?_r=1&ref=technology

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Blackberry Prayer = the position a person assumes when engrossed in a text conversation on their phone.
- Blingin = Shining because you are wearing so much jewelry. "Check you out David, you blingin tonight."

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." ~ Charles R. Swindoll


copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Monday, February 2, 2009

Family Togetherness & Peer Pressure

CONTENTS
Tools for Parenting Teens
Links to Learn From
Inside Your Teen's World
Learn Their Lingo
A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========GET A CLUE
We may never fully understand teenagers, but we can learn more about them with "Youth Culture 101." Cultural analyst and adolescent expert, Walt Mueller, shares research and trends to help you better understand your teens and minister to them more effectively in their ever-changing world.
Learn more about and purchase "Youth Culture 101" here:
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=332
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Youth Culture 101" when you use Coupon Code YPN194 and order by 2/11/09.
================================


1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS

LESS FAMILY PRESENCE ADDS TO PEER PRESSURE

"It's great to be together as a family again!" a father said to his wife and sons at the end of a parent-teen weekend I'd been leading. His words bothered me. Had they not been spending time together as a family? Had he been away on some extended business trip? Had the parents separated? It wasn't any of the latter. Rather, each family member while living in the same house had been so involved in his or her own activities that it took a weekend away from home for them to spend time together again! Now that I've experienced years of hustle and bustle that comes with living with teenagers, I know about this struggle.

While it's natural for parents and teenagers to spend less time together as the kids pass through adolescence, it's unwise to assume that it's all right to not spend time as a family. Parents who become over involved in work, recreation, and other outside activities are also making the choice to spend less time with the family. As a result they open the door for their teenagers to spend more time "living with" and listening to their peer group. In addition, when parent-teenager time decreases, parents know less about what their kids are facing, and parental influence decreases as well. When asked by the Gallup Institute, "How would you rate your parents on understanding these things about you?" 38 percent of teenagers rated their parents "fair" or "poor" regarding knowledge about peer pressures they face.358
So, after years of little or no family time, an entire generation of "baby busters" has moved through their teenage years and into adulthood with a hunger for deep, meaningful relationships. The "buster" label is accurate, given the fact that many in this age group look back on their personal history and see a series of "busted" relationships.

Developmental expert David Elkind cites the breakdown of the family as one of the main reasons for the crisis among adolescents in today's world. In his classic, still-relevant book "All Grown Up and No Place to Go", Elkind says that what teenagers need is time to grow through the normal and confusing changes of adolescence. Yet, our society pushes them through adolescence, forcing them into premature adulthood that they're unable to handle. The deteriorating family, including absent and uninvolved parents, is to blame. The result for our teenagers, says Elkind, is stress and its aftermath.359

Much of that stress occurs when the powerful influence and expectations of the peer group are not balanced by loving, involved parents who spend time with their kids. Consequently, close friends wind up understanding teenagers more than their own parents do. In addition, the peer group assumes the nurturing role, thereby shaping the values, attitudes, and behaviors that should be shaped by Mom and Dad. Dean Borgman notes that kids whose lives are marked by resiliency to the struggles of adolescence (including negative peer pressure and influence) are marked by a history of "strong family nurture."360

The absence of family nurture has changed how teenagers are relating to one another, and have upped the intensity of peer influence and pressure. Chap Clark's research into the lives and world of today's emerging generations offers convincing evidence that kids are relating in new ways. Clark says that because kids have been abandoned by those who should be there for them, they look for a safe place elsewhere. They find "a family with a set of respected and controlled expectations, loyalties, and values" in peer "clusters."361

These groups of teenagers who identify themselves as a relational unit "develop because mid adolescents know they have no choice but to find a safe, supportive family and community, and in a culture of abandonment, the peer group seems to be the only option they have."362

Clark identifies one of the distinguishing marks of a cluster (ranging in size from roughly four to ten kids) as "rules and norms: While a cluster is being developed, a subtle, almost imperceptible negotiation goes on among the members. The necessary rules, norms, values, and even narratives of the cluster that serve to bind the members together are all worked out prior to the cluster's ultimate formation. After these have been negotiated and established (again, almost never through explicit dialogue or reflection), the members of the cluster tend to subordinate their own personal convictions, loyalties, and norms to the will of the collective whole."363 Consequently, the influence of the cluster shapes values, attitudes, and behaviors of an adolescent with an intensity and depth not known by previous generations of teenagers who also experienced peer influence and pressure, but at a markedly different level that was tempered and shaped by a stronger family context.

I believe negative peer pressure and influence would be significantly lower if our families weren't marked by so much lack of togetherness. More kids would be better equipped to handle the stresses and strains of negative peer pressure.
**

Walt Mueller is the founder and president of the Center for Parent Youth Understanding, which serves churches, schools, and community organizations around the world by providing information and analysis on contemporary youth culture. He's a 30-year youth ministry veteran that lives with his wife in Pennsylvania.
Learn more about and purchase "Youth Culture 101" here:
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=332
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Youth Culture 101" when you use Coupon Code YPN194 and order by 2/11/09.
**


2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
The Myth of Teenage Promiscuity [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?ref=science
Social Networking Safety Tips for Parents and Educators [Barking Robot]http://www.debaird.net/blendededunet/2009/01/social-networking-safety-tips-for-parents-educators.html
Teen Tips for Eating Healthy [Herald Sun-Australia]http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24952322-5006012,00.html

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
MTV Pushes Hard to Win Back Teen Audience [Ad Age]
http://adage.com/madisonandvine/article?article_id=133995

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Default potential = A self-portrait or a picture with you in it that has the potential to be your default image on myspace/facebook etc.

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"There are two things that a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and its mother's age."~ Benjamin Spock

copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179